Spiritual formation doesn’t happen in isolation—it happens in community. Church is family, and family is church.
Anthropologist Dr. Robin Dunbar from Oxford University offers fascinating research called Dunbar’s Number, which highlights the relational structure humans naturally form. Interestingly, it closely mirrors how Jesus led His ministry. According to Dunbar’s model, we all need relationships in four categories:
Brothers & Sisters (1-5 people): Your closest circle—the ones you are most real and vulnerable with. To Jesus, this was his inner three of Peter, John, and James.
Kin (15-50 people): The people you consistently do life with through its ups and downs. To Jesus, this was his 12 disciples, Mary and Martha.
Village (up to 150 people): Your broader community of acquaintances and friends. This looks like the 120 who made up the early church.
Tribe (a larger community): Those with whom you share belonging, identity, and a common vision for life. This was Jesus’ followers.
We need relationships in all of these circles to flourish.
The Practice of Community is an intentional decision to actively build highly relational, joyfully-connected groups that eat, pray, laugh, worship, and follow Jesus together like family.
Your deepest formation, healing, growth, and change rarely happen in large crowds—it happens in the smaller circles of community. You can attend church every Sunday and never truly experience community.
One simple, intentional way to step into deeper community? Share a meal together during the week.
This is deeply biblical:
“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”
Acts 2:42, NIV
“So then, my brothers and sisters, when you gather to eat, you should all eat together.”
1 Corinthians 11:33, NIV
Following Jesus happens around tables and this is how we can pursue community together.”
For over 20 years, Chris has met regularly with a group of men—walking through life’s highs and lows together. They don’t always share the same opinions, whether it’s politics, vaccinations, or other topics, but their friendship remains grounded in love and mutual respect.
Chris also shared about another close friend—someone with whom he’s traveled, navigated the same life stages, gotten married, raised children, and shared the joys and challenges of life. Their families have walked together, side by side.
Then there’s his extended family—the group he goes beach camping with twice a year, which includes his men’s group and that close friend.
When I hear this, I see the blessing of true community—not just for Chris, but for his wife Mel and their entire family.
Key takeaway:
Community isn’t optional for spiritual formation. It’s essential. It’s the soil where love grows.
Going back to Dallas Willard’s quote—“The main thing that God gets out of your life is the person you become…“ with my corollary “…in His family.”
It is within community that God shapes us to become people of love, as He intends.
Jesus said it plainly:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35, NIV
Community is where we learn to love. Community is where we become more like Jesus.”